So What If...

What if the US government found Abu Musab al-Zarqawi based on the tips from Al Quaida?

Follow along here...
25 MILLION dollar reward.

Osama calls up Abu Mustafazacaanary and sez something like this:

O: Beloved brother Zacarazie I speak to you today as the mouthpiece of Allah. Allah Akbar! Death to the infidel! Death to America! Praise to our Mujahadeen (this goes on for a while with intermittent gunfire in the background as they alternate between happy fire and angry fire)

AL-Z: Most holy warrior Osama why do you call me now? What is your bidding?

O: As you know the American devils are closing in on us. We must find the source of the traitorous leaks in our ranks. To do this you will martyr yourself. We will feed information to suspected enemies of Allah and then when the evil Americans have shown us who is the leaker we will have a loyal agent of Islam act as the source to inform them where you are hiding. Once the American devils know that you are in the safe house you will most certainly be bombed and killed.

Al-Z: Holy warrior of Allah how will this help our cause. I am willing of course to give my life for Allah but I do not see what we will gain from this aside from discovery of who is leaking our information to the evil American dogs.

O: you see Zacrazee the source of your location will be an Al Queaida agent of the deepest most secret order and they will be give the 25 million American devil dollars as reward for the information on your whereabouts. We will have all the money we need to fund our operations, the Americans will gain nothing because you will be a martyr, the information seized in the raids will be phony and we will smoke out the insiders who betray our cause.

Al-Z: you are truly the most powerful warrior of Allah! ALLAH AKBAR ALLAH AKBAR!!! (gunfire and ululating) I will do as you say. Let the American devils choke on the spit from my corpse!!! Are we still on for croquet Saturday? Will your third wife make those sesame treats? I just love those? I have the new Ann Coulture book too. It is great! She is truly the manliest of women.

O: Yes I'll have Sahessehea make you some sesame treats. I can't wait to read Coulture's book of lies. She makes my job so easy. Truly her adams apple is more massive than most men's and she was once a strong man. If only.. Well never mind

Al-Z: what is it Osama? Do you still long for his touch? I mean her touch?

O: I must go now. Allah AKBAR!

See we lose no matter what when we resort to violence and killing as a means to an end. So we killed a bad dude. I tend to agree with Mr. Berg that this diminishes us more than it does edify us. Too bad most Americans think that killing is justified and that we are moral in our actions. All we do is continue the cycle of hate, fear and death.

Culture of life indeed!